Once upon a time, a little boy dwelt in a village with his parents. He was very intelligent and of good nature; except for his anger. His parents were in a miserable condition due to his temperament. He used to react violently in anger, even said abusive words to friends and family. They left no stone unturned to tame his anger but all in vain. Then one day the father gave the boy a sack full of nails. He asked him to hammer one nail in their fence each time he got enraged. He did it each time he found himself in such a situation. Very soon there was no hardly any more space left on the fence for another nail. Upon realizing how frequently he lost his cool, he tried hard to control his temper. For several days now no nail was hammered. Then his father asked him to remove a nail each day he doesn’t lose his temper. In the end, when all the nails were removed, his father asked him “What do you see now”? He replied “Holes in the fence”. Father told him, “The nails are like your anger which pierces deep into people’s heart on whom you show your anger. Your anger leaves a hole in their heart which remains there forever”.
The moral of the story is “Words spoken in anger causes irreparable damage. They create a permanent rift in beautiful relations.”
Are you facing the same issue lately? Are you getting too much angry with your spouse, kids, parents, or friends? Are you unable to control yourself while in anger? Do you tend to harm yourself or others physically while in rage? If yes, this article will surely help you. You need to get a hold of yourself for living your life with all the beautiful people who make your world.
Why do we tend to be angry?
In the Holy Bhagavad Gita, “Sri Krishna said: O Arjuna, a man gets attached to objects when he thinks about them.
which is responsible for the birth of desire and anger comes from these unfulfilled desires.”
Anger is a mirror into which you do not venture to see your own face. Anger is an instinct that compels a man to go wild. It is an emotion that is triggered by some external factors. These external factors are really the interpretation of one’s mind. You create an impression of people, situations, things in your mind. You are angry when you are not accepted or things are not as expected. Expectations are the result of desire and when not met they bring pain. Pain inflicts anger. You tend to be angry when you associate things and people with you. Why did he do this with me? Why did she say to me so? How did this happen to me? When you are only “me” and “mine”, anger gets into you.
Why we must not be angry?
In the Holy Bhagavad Gita, “Sri Krishna said: O Arjuna, There are three gates to the hell — Lust, Anger, and Greed.”
Anger is our worst enemy. Angry people not only hurts the recipients with their anger but even themselves.
They disturb their own mental peace and waste their valuable energy. They are not under their own control.
They are driven by the anger within themselves. They act in unsocial and unethical ways under the effect of anger.
They do not think while speaking or doing something. They just react in the heat of the moment.
Their judgment is clouded, their actions are hysterical.
In the Holy Bhagavad Gita,“Sri Krishna said: O Arjuna, Delusion arises from anger. The mind is bewildered by delusion.
The reasoning is destroyed when the mind is bewildered. One falls down from the right path when reasoning is destroyed.”
Today, many people do not want to control their anger. For example, a mother thinks her kids are only fearful of her anger. Her kids won’t abide by her if she doesn’t scold them. But this is flawed reasoning. She is not controlling the kids by her anger but it is the anger who is controlling her all along. Besides, her kids also pick up this trait. After adapting this anger therapy towards her kids, one day when her kids will grow up, she won’t even then be able to control her anger and will apply the same anger therapy which would result in her sadness and dejection. Anger is not good in any form. It just causes harm. That’s why anger is to be controlled for the betterment of humanity.
Anger management Strategies:
Anger is a diabolical vice which causes harm to both ends. Anger takes away the tranquillity of both of them. We need to manage this anger for the good.
1. Changing the environment
The first and foremost thing to do when you feel angry is to change your surroundings. Change your pose, look around, stand up, take a stroll. Drink some water. Stop to think about the situation which is angering you. Try to avoid it for the time being. Be patient. Relax. Go to an open place, like a window or outside. Think of something happy. Your happy times of the person you are angry with or something else.
2. Breathing Technique and Exercise
For avoiding sudden reaction while in anger, after changing your environment, take slow and deep breaths. Try calming yourself. Count from 1 to 10 and reverse. Your mind will start working on this and the feeling of anger will weaken. You need to get your mind off the anger. Listen to some music or meditate for some time. Go for a run or a brisk walk. When you feel the cold air brush your ear, you feel good and you tend to forget your anger. Do some Yoga or stretch yourself with some exercise. Physical activity can help reduce stress and tension.
3. Mirror Therapy
Look in the mirror while you are angry and when you are unable to control your anger. You have always smiled at yourself while looking in the mirror, have made faces at yourself, have complimented yourself. How can you look so despondent? You won’t like to see yourself in such a miserable condition. Now try to smile at yourself. If you still can’t, then take a pencil and place it horizontally in your mouth. It will give your muscles the illusion of smiling and your brain will calm down. In anger do not throw something at the mirror though!
4. Find the cause
Now after relaxing, it’s time to work on finding the cause of your anger so that you analyze what is to be done to not get angry again. Think about the situation and describe it in brief. You can jot it down for clarity. Concentrate on your problem. Analyze how do you feel, consider your emotions, thoughts at that time. Find external or internal triggers.
5. Find the solution
Now after describing the problem it is time to find the solution. Contemplate what triggered the anger and how it can be solved so that it never triggers you again. Decide how to act in such situations in the future. First thing in the morning, think of all the positions you will be in, the day ahead. Ponder over how you will be reacting to them. Think twice before you act, in case a situation is not going as expected.
6. Let it go
Learn to let it go. If you keep a grudge against somebody, you sacrifice your mental peace. Forgiving is the greatest blessing you can give to yourself. That’s why learn to forgive. Be more tolerant towards people. Everyone has his own thoughts and opinion, you must stay open to them.
7. Positive Thinking
The universal solution to all the problems is Positive thinking.
Look around, Everyone’s life is full of difficulties, sadness, loss, grief. But then also they are happy.
There is always a way in everyone’s life to be happy. It is there in your life too and It is not late. You can be happy today if you choose to.
find a way out and it is possible only when you make a path for yourself. You can definitely do it.
Now each time you get angry, follow these steps. It will surely calm you down. Give yourself some time. Sit with your anger and help yourself to let it go. You will be much happier without your anger and others will be happy with you.